Where's My Motivation?

After only one week into the new year and I feel as if it's already been non-stop. Lots of things I want to accomplish but not enough time in the day to do them.
I'm spinning wheels and working, working, working- busy, busy, busy yet I have nothing accomplished!

I want to give so much of my time to do things and have all these ideas, but there just isn't enough time to do it all.

I want to wake up early, work out and take care of myself and my health, but I end up staying up late and not waking up. I want to be active. I want to work out. I miss boot camp. I want to start tennis again.

I'm getting disgusted about my weight and the food I'm putting into my mouth. I'm obsessed with how lazy I've gotten and my constant thinking about food. I wish I had the ability to just turn that off and not worry about it, but I've gotten way overweight and it's got to stop. I've never been one to compare myself to my friends, but being around all of them being so thin- I have noticed myself envious. I don't feel attractive and dispise waking up and getting dressed.

I feel overwhelmingly disorganized. I have papers, cards, packets, bills, reciepts things all over at home and at the office. I want to just throw out my filing system and start over! I'm a pack rat and keep everything for sentimental reasons, but how often do I actually ever go back and review them. I try to organize my work files, but I'm not too successful with that.

Money. There's never enough. I'm horrible with my shopping and my feeling to spend and what I think is controlled, just isn't gonna cut it. I need more restraint and self control. I don't need more clothes, shoes- yet I look at what I have and feel as if I have nothing.

I am finally about to start the Battered Women's shelter volunteer training program. This is a group that I have been wanting to get involved with for a while now, but even the required training falls in conflict with work or our weekend events- is my problem learning to say no? or is my problem poor time management?

GRE is still untaken. Not a book has been touched to study. When I get home in the evening- why can't I take an hour to study? Probably because when I get home I'm too worried about food and by the time I figure out dinner and eat etc, the evening is late. I've got to get back in school.

Speaking of home. Nothing is ever clean enough. I pick up, pick up, pick up and even with a housekeeper- I feel the house is always dirty. Of course, it doesn't help when my husband leaves a trail of crumbs, but he helps and takes care of his own clothes etc, yet I still feel our house isn't clean or organized enough! I am constantly concerned about crumbs, the trash, clean towels, uncluttered counter tops, sweeping the floor and yet I know we're not nearly as dirty as some other ppl's houses.

With work...there's just so much I want to be able to do, but it's so limiting when I don't have the support I need. When departments can't function the way they are supposed to and when people can't do the jobs they were hired to do! I want to be making an impact instead just feel like I'm running in circles chasing my own tail!

Guess sitting here I can't complain, I just have to do. Make my own motivation!